Note to self: Give Up Giving Up
“You’re a Quitter, you’ll always be a Quitter.” Someone in a highly authoritative role once said to me when I was obviously in a vulnerable and malleable phase in life. Who said it isn’t important, but the words ring in my ears every time I get sort of down on myself or things don’t go exactly how I planned them.
But, let’s see now, I finished high school. I’ve always maintained pretty good jobs. I’ve taken night classes in community college – didn’t complete college – but I didn’t quit exactly.
Oh, I quit smoking. And alcohol. Those were good things to quit.
I’ve quit jobs, but have usually gone on to better ones. Been married almost 22 years, so there’s that. I can’t quit you, baby.
So why do I still have it in my head that I’m a quitter – did that certain someone just drill it into my brain? Why can’t I shake that “I’m a loser” feeling I get sometimes?
Could be the 12 years of Catholic school thing, I suppose. You’re never good enough, never up to par. Guilt, fear, la-de-da, la-de-da. Come on now, I’ve burned the black candles long ago – I’m strong now – Jesus H. Oh, whoops, I’m sorry.
I am almost at a stage where I’m not playing whack-a-mole with life and all its divisions – work (well, ok, I’m unemployed, but something’s gonna happen soon) – health is ok for the most part, but I have health insurance – marriage, check – good friends – nice old house – goofy dogs – volunteering. Our bills are manageable right now, Chris has a good job. I have a driver’s license and a social security card (I thought I lost my wallet a couple weeks ago, but I didn’t.) I don’t know anyone in jail. In 2013 I went to school and completed a program – I didn’t quit.
Could it just be that I don’t really have any major problems anymore?
So maybe I have quit being a quitter. Does that make me even more of a quitter?