Ok, so he’s not really a pimp, actually, he’s not even anyone’s daddy, but he’s the one and only David Chung, King of the Alleyway between the 3600 block of Pleasant and Pillsbury Avenues in South Minneapolis. Born in Guyana to parents of African and Chinese lineage, David is one bad mother-shut-your-mouth. He fights crime, occasionally wielding real jungle-gnashing machetes to scare off any would-be graffiti taggers or the crazy person who would dare think of breaking into a garage around our ‘hood. But let me get back to the pimp daddy thing. When David meets new people he loves to tell them, in his very heavy Caribbean accent, that he pimps out his bitch, Suki. He does this to see if he can shock them — Suki is his little Yorkshire Terrier. Then he goes into a strange spiel about how he’s the president of the Tri-Sexual Nation, which has something to do with dogs. That’s when we tell him to shut up, and that he’s getting too weird. Then he’ll just start laughing and talk about how he’s cousins with Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, and brothers with Howard Stern. This makes some kind of sense to him. My husband and I have stopped asking him to explain what he’s talking about – we’ve lived behind him now for 21 years and it’s just no use – it’s sort of like talking to the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. But Mr. Chung has a 14-karat heart of gold and would give us the shirt off his back, that is, if he ever wore a shirt. He is usually only clad in ripped up overalls which he purchased at Kaplan Brothers in 1979. David and his wife, Barbara (“Baaa baah raaa” in Guyanan), own 3 or 4 properties and are both retired, they have plenty of funds and resources, but he is just as stubborn as a toddler about wearing any of the new clothes that Barbara is always trying to get him to wear. “I am just getting these overalls broken in!” or “In the jungle we didn’t need so many clothes!” are some of his protests. Here is David’s idea of shopping: he and Suki patrol the alley every night looking for treasures that people throw out – things like broken lamps and busted computers. David takes everything back to his garage – we call him the Fred Sanford of South Minneapolis. “People throw out perfectly good stuff!” David will exclaim. “I started the whole recycling thing” is another of his frequent quotes. Who knows? Maybe he did! We love David and are so very lucky to have landed in his neighborhood, machetes and all.